Our Heat Waves summer series invites musicians to reflect on song lyrics that are lodged in their heads or hearts. This week, Chun Yin Rainbow Chan hits the karaoke bar, and discovers lost words and longing in Faye Wong's 'I'm Willing'.
1 December 2017, 3.42am.
I am sitting at a karaoke bar called Party World with some new friends in Taipei. We’ve spent the night drinking beers and feasting on fried chicken. Everyone has a turn on the mic, leaking a year’s worth of sorrows in the guise of innocuous pop songs.
Within this rowdy drunken box, we have only a lyric guide on the TV screen as reality’s compass. Meaning is called into being by a bright neon blue, which bleeds across yet-to-be-sung words. Nothing exists beyond the colour’s edge.
It’s the last song of the evening, and the mic lands in my hands. Although I can speak Cantonese and some Mandarin, I struggle to read Chinese script, so the lyric guide doesn’t provide much help. In a panic, I choose Faye Wong’s 1994 hit, ‘我願意’ ('I’m Willing’), of which I know the melody and the hook; vestiges of my childhood in Hong Kong. (Two years later, when I was six, my family moved to Sydney.)
Within this rowdy drunken box, we have only a lyric guide on the TV screen as reality’s compass.
The song begins with a majestic flute run, softly accompanied by a string countermelody, and crescendoes into verse one with a cymbal roll. I am standing at the water’s edge, ready to jump in.
A spotlight, a dry throat.
Why does the instrumental version of a song you’ve heard a million times before sound abnormally bare? Without Faye Wong singing, I realise that I actually don’t know about 90% of the words. I hum my way through to the end and receive a polite applause. We say our goodbyes and go home separately.
Of course, it’s not a big deal not knowing the lyrics to a song. But when you realise that you don’t even have the ability to partake in something in your mother tongue, a desire to return 'home' sets in. Determined to learn at least one Chinese song for the purposes of karaoke, I jump onto Google and pull up the lyrics, pinyin and English translation of ‘我願意’.
I was once in an awkward social situation with a group of non-Chinese speaking friends, at an open mic karaoke bar in Hong Kong. They dominated the playlist with obnoxious English songs, and alienated the locals there. As they hollered 'Backstreet’s Back', I couldn’t help but notice the irony of the everybody in the song’s command to rock your body. I felt a sense of shame in both rejoicing in the every-baaa-dey chorus, and observing side-eye from the locals.
| Chinese | English (translation mine) |
|---|---|
| 思念是一種 很玄的東西 | reminiscence is a very mysterious thing |
| 如影隨行 | as a shadow accompanies one |
| 無聲又無息 出沒在心底 | noiseless and breathless, it haunts the bottom of the heart |
| 轉眼 吞沒我在寂寞裡 | and in a flash, I am swallowed up in loneliness |
| 我無力抗拒 特別是夜裡 | I have not the power to resist, especially at night |
| 想你到無法呼吸 | I miss you so much, I can't breathe |
| 恨不能立即 朝你狂奔去 | I hate that I can't immediately rush back to you |
| 大聲的告訴你 | So I’ll loudly let you know |
| 我願意為你 我願意為你 | I am willing for you, I am willing for you |
| 我願意為你忘記我姓名 | I am willing for you to forget my own name |
| 就算多一秒 停留在你懷裡 | just to linger in your arms for one more second |
| 失去世界也不可惜 | to lose the world would not be a shame |
| 我願意為你 我願意為你 | I am willing for you, I am willing for you |
| 我願意為你被放逐天際 | I am willing for you to be banished to the horizon |
| 只要你真心拿愛與我回應 | as long as you sincerely reciprocate with love |
| 我什麼都願意 什麼都願意 | I’m willing to do anything, willing to do anything |
| 為你 | for you |
13 January 2018, 3.42am.
It’s the last day of my summer vacation in Taiwan. I am sitting at Party World with the friends I’ve made in Taipei. We’re drinking beers and feasting on fried chicken. Everyone has a turn on the mic, leaking secret desires and new year’s resolutions in the guise of innocuous pop songs.
It’s the last song of the evening, and the mic lands in my hands. The song begins with a majestic flute run, softly accompanied by a string countermelody, and crescendoes into the verse with a cymbal roll. I am standing at the water’s edge, and jump in.
To my love, my mother tongue,
I’ve been swallowed up in loneliness. I’ve missed you so much I couldn’t breathe. But now I want to rush back to you …
我什麼都願意, 什麼都願意, 為你.